this cant be happening...im becoming addicted to the internet again.  argh.  i really have no idea why im doing  this cuz i know no one will read it. well...updates...

--got my first job---lifegaurding at reid pool--i hate it and i hate my manager and i now understand the whole disgruntled office workers comeing to work with uzi's concept.  PLEASE PLEASE I BEG OF YOU...ANYBODY PLEASE COME TO REID POOL AND VISIT ME AND MAKE ME HAPPY FOR AT LEAST A FEW MINUTES!  DEAR GOD I BEG OF YOU.   rec swim 1-4:30, dollar admission for 15 and under, 2 dollars for 16 and over.  not open on the 4th of july.  my bday is the 5th.  you cant resist candy can you?  we have sour strips and crap...PLEEEEAAASE!

--i crashed my dads car into a pole, thus i probably will not have a car for sometime

---this one lifegaurd i know chews tobacco, who the hell chews tobacco anymore?!

ahhh...enough updates.

big long thingie about me.   woo hoo...ME...arent you thrilled?

Currently Playing Tommy (1969 Original Concept Album) By The Who see related

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i was just rumaging thru my dads cd stacks and guess what i found?!  THE WHO!!!  *does a jig*

wow, my life is so incredibly lame.  i have done nothing but sit on my ass and watch tv and eat since i got home, which was about 4 or 5 hours ago.  i have no way of leaving the house and going anywhere: parents are out and both cars are gone, my bike is a piece of shit (and last time i tried to get my dads bike out of the rafters i almost boke my arm) and theres no way in hell im walking alone at this time of night. anyway i have been switching back and forth from comedy central to vh1 classics.  i ate half a brownie, some chips and salsa, an apple, half a cup of rice pudding, dried pineapple slices, beef jerky, and some sour cream and onion chips sprinkled with tapatio sauce (which cecily recently introduced me to).  i binge when im bored. not a healthy habit.  i also do so when im sad, kinda-stressed, or nervous.  the only time i eat normally is when im so super stressed out and busy that i dont have to to eat or even think about food.  anyway,  i was talking with rosie in 5th period today and she told me her plans for the weekend--2 parties tonight,  soccer game next day, sleep over at friends house, sneak out to 2 more parties, soccer game next day, more parties, etc.  as opposed to my plans: get up early saturday and maybe go to swim prac (just maybe, might got into screaming fight with mom about it) then go to work (which isnt even really a job) then go home and maybe dye my hair again if i feel like it.  sunday: study for AP test coming up.  ok i prolly will procrastinate that and end up doing nothing sunday, maybe go for a walk.

anyway, my point is that my life is boring.  the last time i really actually had fun was about 3 weeks ago when me arianna jing and liz hung out at uv then went to a war protest and then ran in the dark of night, thru the rain to school to catch the musical.  and the next day at work we had a stamp fight.  i keep telling them i want to go to the protest again, but they keep putting it off.  and theres no way i could get to the protest on my own cuz im trying to keep it from my parents. argh.  i really want to hang out with someone right now, not a certain someone i mean just anyone.  i wish more people lived by me.   wow it just hit me, what am i blathering on about?  why the hell am i typing out this nonsense?!  whatever, im posting anyway.

heres a picture of god (eddie vedder) for you to look at

what the hell is it with the be-a-christian fad going on right now?!  almost everywhere i walk on campus, someone is playing christian music on a guitar! and all of a sudden everyone is a christian.  one friend of mine, who was not one bit christian before, now is into christian emo,  christian metal  and i think its becuase the guy she has a crush on is into that crap. i can say the same for my exboyfriend.  not one a bit a christian but now is.  i just read his xanga and it was pa-fucking-thetic seeing as he just told me yesterday of how much he loves guns and that he is going to join the military later (which made me cry, and did not get me in a good mood for the swim meet).  im so sick of people being fake and following things blindly.  it just reinstates my idea that people are weak and easily manipulated.

also this girl who waas a huge fucking slut last year came up to me and my friends at lunch and started trying to convert us.  I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF RELIGION!   i went to catholic school for 12 fucking years!  and now im finally out of there and its back!  ive has enough of this christian shit!  religion is a tool used to control the masses and make poeple easily-manipulated...and it causes nothing but SHIT.  its the reason for half the war and slaughter in the world!!!  im so angry right now that im crying! fuuuck! im going outside.

Currently Playing Superunknown By Soundgarden see related

wow...i havent been on here for a while.  im sooo tired, but i was drawn to the computer and now i cant get off.  i hate technology and its power over me.  i seriously will sit here until i get a pulsating headache and my butt is numb. 

stuff and crap...

---i dyed my hair coppery-orange and it kinda came out which was expected seeing as i swim twice a day.  i hate my hair with the fiery passion of a thousand suns.

---i gave arianna a wedgie at work today. she wouldnt get out of my chair. 

---im trying to earn money to buy another ipod by working at arianna's mom's work with liz and arianna and jing and cecily.

---im really scared about swim season...i really suck compared to last year, coach is going to be so disappointed.  it makes me sad when i disappoint people.  and im having really really bad problems with my knees...which keeps me from swimming my best stroke, and walking. 

---i hate regisration time..."everybody!!!  quick!!  decide what are going to do for the next two years!!  make sure it corresponds with what you want to do with your life!!  which you must have decided by now!!"  IB is scary.  i will probably have a nervous breakdown and run away and become a crazy hobo at age 16.  IB isnt not compatible with obsessiveness, anxiety disorders, and negative outlooks...all things i have. matt has 8 periods and a zero period, he has to do band, choir, theatre...hes crazy busy...but he has the most positive outlook of anyone i know which allows him to handle all the stress and business.  i basically have no capability to think optomistically.  crap.

im gonna go...my contacts are getting sticky.

ps:  can i sit on your jacket?  i want to soften my stool.

Currently Playing Prison Bound By Social Distortion see related

argh, well i decided to come crawling back to xanga.  yes im a hypocrite.  i must have just been having an execptionally bad day on my last entry or something.

but holy crap on a stick, this week has to be my WORST WEEK EVER .  

MONDAY:  ipod and 30 bucks stolen from my backpack.

TUESDAY:  huge fight with family, pulled something in my knee for the 5 millionth time and now it hurts to swim

WEDNESDAY: closest friend transfers to poly never to return.

THURSDAY: slammed finger in door got all purple and swollen,  mom screamed at me all the way to school, arrive at school face swollen and puffy from crying, went to sit down in the library and missed the chair, fell on my ass and took 2 chairs down with me.  in 5th period i come to class and my desk has been replaced with a plain chair, this is the 3rd time it has happened:  my desk breaks and has to be replaced with a regular chair.  WHY ME GOD, WHHHYYYYYY?!?!?!

FRIDAY -tomorrow:  im afraid to get out of bed.

ive kinda come to a point were im just laughing at my misery.